old.

And now I'm 22.

I can remember a lot of birthdays pretty vividly but this one takes the cake - literally! :) My amazing housemates threw me a surprise "mocktail" party last Friday, so everyone was all dressed up and we had a sweet drink menu (sans the alcohol). There was laughter, lots of hugging and dancing - three of my favorite things. I would have been more than happy with just that but my friends are so darn amazing and they planned out another surprise for my actual birthday. Every hour, starting at 9am, I was given a square piece of paper with a letter on one side and a heartfelt note on the other. By midnight, I had racked up 17 squares that spelled out "Happy Birthday Liz!" and gave me lots of love.

Needless to say, I felt very loved. I can safely say that this was the best birthday I've had... hands down. :)

time flies...

...when you're a senior in COLLEGE.

i think because i still feel so young, when i actually say what i am (a SENIOR in COLLEGE who is about to turn 22!) i kinda freak out. life has seemed really slow in the moments and days, but now as i'm looking back, i can't help but wonder how i'm already here. i can still remember being 10 and thinking how old high schoolers were (college wasn't even on my radar then). and now i'm at the end of my educational road. in roughly 7 months, i will no longer be able to qualify myself as a student. i'll be... an adult.

weird.

but i think the thing that really scares me is the idea of being the same person i started college as. there are changes i wanted to make in my life (and lifestyle) that i have yet to see and it's almost the end! this summer in fresno helped but it's so much harder back at school, where it's comfortable and i can just fall into my previous patterns and habits. fresno was just scary all the time so i had no choice but to move and change and be flexible. now i'm stuck in a rut known as "familiarity" and i have no idea how to get out. i think i'm that person who keeps doing the same thing, expecting to get different results... and i'm pretty sure that is the definition of "insanity" by albert einstein.

neat.

so now what? i'm aware. heck, i've always been aware. but is it time to change? time to just DO IT? i think maybe. but it's scary. every day will be hard. i know i'll get on a motivated kick for a few days, maybe a week, but then... it'll go downhill. i know this because this is me, how i work. i feel like a broken record and all i want to do it just pick the needle up off of the record and set it aside so i can work on fixing the cracks before i start playing again. but can you just stop like that? i don't think so. i think i have to fix while i play. i have to stop while i start.

where do i even begin?

i want to blog but i have nothing to say. or, rather, i have too much to say. i can't even get my thoughts in order. i spent 9 weeks of my summer in fresno, california and then came home late last wednesday. this past week at home has been full of catching up with old friends, spending time with my mom, and shopping/packing for school. i've halfway moved into my off-campus house up at taylor and will move in for good tomorrow night. i still have practicum work to take care of and i know i won't get anything done at home. i want to fully settle into my house at school before the freshmen come.

i feel like i've come full circle. i still remember my first chapel at taylor, watching upperclassmen run at each other, screaming, to embrace with this incredibly intensity that made it seem like they hadn't seen each other in years, when in reality it had only been a couple months. i remember wondering if i'd ever be that excited to see someone or if i'd ever reunite with someone with that much enthusiasm.

and i know that this is the year for that enthusiasm. i can't wait for o-group stuff to start so i can see those friends, for the sunday of welcome weekend when the rest of campus moves in, for my first day of classes, and then for my first chapel. oh, the joy and hugs that are to be had in the next couple weeks!

things, people & places...

...in fresno, CA that make me oh-so-happy:

1. my fellow networkers.
2. my awesome advisor, sarah.
3. wahoo's fish tacos.
4. seeing the mountains in the distance, especially when the sun is setting behind them.
5. my home-away-from-homes... all 3 of them.
6. how it's still hot even after the sun sets.
7. every day is a sunny day.
8. my fig garden dates with amelia.
9. my mix-n-match dinners with amy.
10. kate's hilarious and random accents.
11. my love/hate hand gesture with tyler.
12. hearing the phrase "but it's a dry heat" on a daily basis.
13. spending hours with junior high girls at target/starbucks/in-n-out/payless/barnes & noble/chipotle/burger king/thrift stores/jamba juice/the pool.
14. the pool in my host family's backyard.
15. my little twin "sisters" (caroline and katherine) and a my little "brother" (will).
16. my host mom, karen, who was more like a a best friend, big sister and mom rolled into one.
17. watching "the bachelorette" every monday with karen while eating cake and laughing the whole time.
18. staff prayer on tuesday and thursday mornings.
19. no mosquitoes.
20. no humidity.
21. first presbyterian church of fresno.
22. sierra vista mall.
23. seeing streets named "muncie" and "indianapolis."
24. how EVERY mall is an outdoor mall.
25. hearing how "cold" here is when it gets down to the 30s and 40s (with no snow, just fog).
26. how ridiculously easy it is to get my hands on a (ripe!) avocado here.


...just to name a few. :) i'm really going to miss this place. don't get me wrong, i'm excited to go home to indiana and back to taylor... i'm just leaving a piece of my heart here in fresno. which is why i'm coming back in january. :)

< insert creative title here. >

the hardest part of every post is coming up with a witty title so i'm just choosing not to this time, mostly because this is going to just be a jumble of thoughts thrown out in no particular order.

so, i'm writing this post from a small coffee shop down the street from the house i've been living in all summer. it's called "the grind" and i tend to avoid it because local coffee houses are intimidating. i enjoy the anonymity of my beloved corporate starbucks, thank you very much. but anyway, i came here with my fellow networker, amy, and from the moment we walked in, it's been an adventure.

we open the door and walk in and everyone inside just stopped. and stared. it was silent. it was like the whole place had been talking about us. it was a serious flashback to high school, let me tell you. so we ordered awkwardly as everyone went back to their business and then we settled in to start working.

and that's when we heard the music. the music playing overhead is incredible. "lady marmalade" was first, then "brick house," "play that funky music," and now it's "superfreak." i don't know about you, but this is not what i think of when i think of typical coffee house jams. and if you add the fact that we're right by the bar where they make the coffee which means we can hear the baristas singing along to the awesome music and quoting saturday night live (more cowbell!), it's just quite the experience. so instead of being productive, amy and i have been dancing in our chairs and waiting with anticipation as each song begins so we can laugh some more.

anyway. the end is in sight. em and i will fly out of san jose 2 weeks from tomorrow. we only have 1 more full week left, which is so weird to think about. part of me is really ready to go home, to be back in indiana and then back at taylor a few days later. but i know i'll have to say some really hard goodbyes. i've made some amazing friends and fresno has become a second home for me so it'll be hard to leave - but i'm already planning on coming back in january to visit so that'll help the process. august 12 = bittersweet.

but before i leave, i need to catch up on my class. catch up on journals and evaluations... shoot dude, i'm behind. haha i'm going to be a procrastinator until the day i die. :)

so i'm off to attempt to be productive... we'll see about that! haha

happy camper.

i spent this past week at camp. CAMP, people. complete with cabins and bugs and dirt.

and i loved it.

yes, you read right. I LOVED CAMP. anyone who knows me at all knows that i hate being outside and anything that comes within 10 miles of even thinking about being outdoorsy. but i think that might be changing. i mean, don't get me wrong - i still hate being dirty and think bugs are gross... but i loved camp. maybe i'm more of a "camp person" than i thought.

i figured out that most of the CE majors have "camp personalities" it's just that not everyone is cut out for camp itself. i think you have to have a "camp personality" to do youth ministry because there is just no room for being embarassed when you work with 13-year-olds. (i speak from experience.)

i learned a lot at camp. philly introduced the idea of "half thoughts" to me in personal foundations sophomore year and that's the only way i can describe what i've been learning. it's all half thoughts. i still have to work through them, figure them out, think them through. and one of those half thoughts is what to make of my newly found love of camp. believe me, i never thought i would have to think about THAT. :)

but that's just one of many thoughts i still need to process. i don't even know where to begin. but i had to at least announce that i loved camp, though i'm bummed that i can't be there to see the shock on the faces of those who read this and struggle to believe it.

did you know?

...I love to sing. There are some songs that I turn up on the radio in my car and just belt out – letting my pain, frustration, or joy flow through the words. For those of you who have driven with me, you know this is true. I am the definition of a “car singer.” But I would never sing in front of people. I would never even consider it. I enjoy my car singing and don’t ever plan on taking it to the stage.

...While the actual game baffles my mind, I LOVE being inside a packed football stadium. The past couple of years I’ve had the chance to go home with my friend Ashley. We spend time with her family, enjoy the beauty that is West Virginia and take in a Mountaineer game. I can’t explain the feeling of that atmosphere but I seriously dig it. The energy of the fans, the cheering, the music… it’s kind of magical.

...I would love to get another tattoo. I’ve thought about getting a tattoo on my wrist - a simple, small cross - but have spent a lot of time going back and forth because of the placement. My brother told me after I got my first tattoo that I’d get addicted and end up covered with them but I think that might be a stretch… then again, I never planned on getting a second one. J

...I’ve spent the last year talking about how much I hate teaching. I’m relational; I’d rather sit at Starbucks and talk for hours than stand up in front of a bunch of junior high kids and talk about one of Paul’s letters. The thing I’ve been teaching this summer… and I like it. I’m kind of good at it. I have a lot of work to do and a lot of growing to do, but I think this could be something I could actually do. For real.

...I hate corn. I think it taste gross – and don’t even get me started on how horrible eating it off the cob is, getting all those strings stuck in your teeth… how is that even appetizing? Not to mention, there is minimal nutritional value in corn. So, essentially, it’s pointless.

...I hate talking on the phone. It’s incredibly frustrating, if you ask me. I can have this hour long conversation with someone and never see their face and worse yet: I don’t get a hug! I’d rather just meet up somewhere and talk in person. However, this summer I’ve had to just suck it up and get used to the whole phone thing, considering my best friends are at least 3 hours away from me.

...I love hugs. If you know me AT ALL, this one practically goes without saying. Liz = hugs. I can’t explain it; I just love ‘em. First of all, I won’t hug just anyone. I’m picky. Feel special if you get a hug from me, it’s quite the compliment. Hugs mean you trust a person, love them, enjoy them, are happy to see them – hugs speak VOLUMES. And don’t even get me started on how much I love hugs from my guy friends… those are the best! Those are the hugs that make my day.